Parenting is challenging regardless of your profession. A career as a Secret Service Agent adds extra complexity to the already demanding role of being a mother. The inherent dangers come with the profession and the fact that the career requires a certain amount of sacrifice and time. As a Mother and an Agent, I have had to navigate a unique set of challenges and rewards. To be clear, it is a remarkable balancing act! I would do both over again without thought or remorse. I love both!
Since childhood, I have always wanted to be a police officer. I also always knew I wanted to be a mother. I wanted a daughter. I had surmised that if I had a son first, I would have tried again until I had a daughter. I was blessed with my daughter on my first and only pregnancy. The timing of the pregnancy required strategic thinking, planning, balancing priorities, and multitasking.
As a female agent in a male-dominated profession, I surmised that becoming a mother would be a journey; however, choosing to become a mother was a no-brainer for me. The truth is, deciding when to get pregnant was a tough decision–it was akin to playing a game of chess. I took a strategic approach to prepare for what was to come. I needed to know the policies & the practices so I could anticipate any unforeseen issues with my career or pregnancy. I learned there were few policies, and the practices depended on where you were assigned & who your supervisor was at the time of the pregnancy or birth. I strategized my moves. I estimated the timing of my next promotion or assignment and planned several steps ahead. I had the foresight to decide that even if I became pregnant, I would not reveal it immediately because my career was as important to me as my impending pregnancy.
My daughter was born in October of 2003. That is the year I learned the art of juggling. Some may call it multitasking, but most days, I felt like there was so much to do as a mother and a special agent that I had shifted from the calculated moves of chess to throwing it all in the air and catching what I could. But that did not stop me. I kept forging ahead using my calendar and agenda to keep abreast of everything. Then, a male leader in the office who wasn’t my direct supervisor asked me, “So you think you can be an agent and a mother?” The nerve! My answer is, “I am a mother and an agent.”
Truth be told, those words got under my skin. They made me work harder both at home and at work. I took on various extra responsibilities of childcare…swimming lessons, dance lessons, volunteering at school, etc. At work, I found myself volunteering for tough or unexpected assignments, working midnight shifts, acting undercover, whatever it took to prove that I could be a mother and an agent and do it all flawlessly. I never wanted anyone to question my commitment to my job or my duty to uphold my oath to the Constitution of the United States. I needed to prove that I could do it all.
Then, I had an epiphany. That supervisor would have never asked a male agent if he could be a father and an agent. Instead, his fatherhood would have been applauded, and he would have gotten pats on the back for doing his part at home and work. As a woman in a majority-male domain, I knew that some men were still of the mindset that I should not be there. To those people, it would never matter how hard I worked or how good a job I did. I was not part of the Good Ole Boys Club and never would be. So, I let my inner Wonder Woman come out as I deflected those non-lethal words and thoughts away from me. I did not allow them to wound or hinder me.
Mother will always be my most important title. When the guilt of my profession weighed heavy on me, I would ask my daughter what she thought of my chosen career. Both her parents were in federal law enforcement, so I wanted to know what that was like for her. She once answered, “I thought it was cool. I don’t feel like I missed anything because I got to do many things other kids didn’t have the privilege of doing. Although you traveled the world, there were many times I went with you. I remember traveling to several countries after your assignments to tour that country as a family. I loved visiting the White House! Remember when President Obama returned from a trip and waved at me when he got off the helicopter? And you took many of my friends on trips, too, always trying to make it about education and fun. Plus, all the teachers loved for you to come to career day as much as us kids. Everyone thought it was cool that my Mom was a Secret Service Agent!”
I was still juggling and had not dropped the ball, but I was missing balance. I made so many sacrifices trying to be everything to my child and my chosen profession that there was little time for me. I was deficient in time management and allowed little time for myself. I did not set boundaries to ensure that my family, friends, career, marriage, and I received the attention we all deserved. Upon that realization, I began to plan and organize my priorities. I became the queen of the to-do list and began delegating some tasks to others.
More importantly, I learned to balance motherhood and career. I built a robust support system. I realized that while the numbers were few, there were other mothers on the job who could support me on my journey as an agent mom. I prioritized self-care – I had been caring for my daughter and mother, so I often neglected to pamper myself. I started running as a hobby and ran a marathon. I maintained open and honest communication with my family, colleagues, and managers and set realistic goals. I did not stress when everything on my to-do list was not done. I was open and honest with my supervisors, team, and family about my personal and career aspirations and asked for their support. I let go of perfection. As an agent or mother, I realized that it is an impossible feat. Once I embraced those realities, I focused on being the best at each role. I found the right balance between motherhood and career. This journal is personal, and it is what I make it. I celebrate my achievements, sing loud and off-key, dance like nobody’s watching in a room full of people, and give myself grace. ❦

About the Author

Dee Neely is the Corporate Security Programs Program Manager for Delta Air Lines. She manages the Executive Protection Program, Special Events Security, Travel Security, and the Active Aggressor Plan & its corresponding Learning Management System. She leads risk mitigation strategies based on current and historical intelligence and employs strategic oversight over Delta-operated facilities to ensure facility protection. Dee is also a member of the DEI Council and the Employee Wellbeing Team.
Dee Neely is also an instructor for the Naval Postgraduate School -Center for Homeland Defense and Security (CHDS), where she co-leads the Emergence Program. Ms. Neely provides instruction to security and public safety professionals early in their careers. She explores emerging trends worldwide and challenges program participants to devise strategies for assessing and managing those trends in their respective professions. She encourages critical thinking, analysis, and evidence-based research. Ms. Neely inspires ideas for change and encourages participants to become leaders even if they are not in supervisory positions.
Ms. Neely’s visionary leadership throughout her career has proven her value through reaching exceptional levels of achievement. She has an outstanding history with over 30 years of government experience, 28 years of which were with the United States Secret Service in various roles across several divisions for both the Executive and Legislative branches. Ms. Neely was detailed to the FBI’s Atlanta Division Joint Terrorism Task Force (JTTF) for two (2) years, where she partnered with federal, state, and local law enforcement officers to arrest criminals and defend the nation against terrorism.
Ms. Neely retired from the Secret Service as a Supervisory Special Agent, where she achieved comprehensive experience in security operations, public safety, investigations, law enforcement, protective intelligence, field operations, and Presidential-level protection. Ms. Neeley is a thought-leader who served as a training coordinator who taught and briefed colleagues, law enforcement, academia, and businesses on security, protection, intelligence, and law enforcement statutes.
Ms. Neely continues to be a multifaceted leader who advocates diversity and inclusion. She is a trained Certified Public Information Officer (PIO) and Certified EEO Counselor. She holds a Top-Secret (T.S.) / Sensitive Compartmented Information (SCI) security clearance and maintains a strong presence in community service and in organizations for professional development and engagement. Ms. Neely is a member of the Citizens Police Advisory Council in her county, where she serves as a liaison between the Police Department, county citizens & leaders. In this role, she reviews policies, programs, & laws to improve understanding & communication between the police and the community.
Ms. Neely received her formal education at the University of Maryland, where she earned her B.A. in English. She earned her MBA from the University of Phoenix, Northern Virginia Campus. She graduated with an M.A. in Security Studies (Homeland Security and Defense) at the Naval Postgraduate School, Center for Homeland Defense and Security.

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