I speak with a lot of young people and families struggling with many issues, and one issue stands out: communication. Kids are reluctant or afraid to come to their parents with personal problems for fear of being laughed at, ridiculed, dismissed, or reprimanded. Many parents, in turn, don’t want to discuss life’s issues with their kids because of past traumas and core wounds they suffered, including physical danger, embarrassment, or things they would rather forget.
Our kids are worthy of feeling validated, acknowledged, and understood. You may not agree with what they are thinking and saying, but you can let them feel safe enough to come to you and talk. Whether the conversation is about “taboo topics” such as dating, sex, and drugs, or something more benign such as college plans and their future, having that dialogue can be life-changing. Regardless of age or gender, everyone has a voice, an opinion, passions about certain topics, and the right to feel what they feel.
You have the right to use your voice and share your thoughts and feelings with others—not only with those who agree with you but also with those who may disagree. And that’s wonderful. An exchange of ideas and beliefs through open, honest, non-judgmental communication is how we learn and grow. Just because someone believes differently than you does not make them your enemy. Learn to agree to disagree. Be courageous enough to keep an open mind, open eyes, and a closed mouth long enough to listen—you just might learn something.
Providing a safe space for your child so they know they can come to you without fear of yelling, rage, humiliation, or “I told you so” lectures helps them grow. Thanking them for trusting you enough to come with uncomfortable discussions builds a deeper and more trustworthy relationship. Telling them you love them—no matter what they do—is equally important. This is unconditional love. You may not agree with their choices, but you will continue to love and stand by them.
Think back to your own childhood. Were you able to have open, honest, non-judgmental conversations with your parents? Or was it “do as I say, not as I do”? How would it have felt if you had been able to sit down and discuss the hard topics that kept you up at night? I was very blessed to have a close relationship with my mother, and I could talk to her about anything—often when I got home from a date and she was waiting up for me. Those late-night talks over popcorn and old mystery movies are some of my best memories. When my son was growing up, he knew he could come to me with anything, and we would work it out together—the good, the bad, and the HOLY CATS! Today, he and my daughter-in-law have that same kind of relationship with my granddaughter.
Everyone deserves a safe space—someone they can turn to with their deepest worries, fears, hopes, and dreams. We all need people who believe in us, whether that’s a parent, grandparent, aunt, or uncle. Someone who won’t laugh or make us feel small, but instead makes us feel capable and supported every step of the way.\
Allow your children the gift of awkward conversations. Share your own stories. Let them see you not just as Mom or Dad, but as people who were once goofy kids who made mistakes but never gave up. Let them learn from your life lessons and use your stories to light their path.
Most importantly, allow your child to feel safe enough to be their authentic self, knowing you will always love them for who they are—not who you wish they were. Let them know their voice matters. Their opinions matter. THEY MATTER. ❦

About the Author

Brenda Minge is a retired RN, now Life Coach specializing in Trauma Therapy. I am certified in Family Development, Stored Memory Access Retrieval Trauma Techniques, NLP, EFT/TFT, EMDR, PTSD / PTSD Case Management, Guided Imagery and Relaxation Hypnotherapy.
Having been raised in the Midwest, I take great pride in my Midwest values and down-to-earth approach dealing with clients and families. Clients say talking to me is like sitting down for coffee with your best friend.
I am committed to helping individuals struggling with PTSD, C-PTSD, Moral Injury, Depression, Anxiety, Core Wounds, Generational Trauma, Grief and Loss. My clientele include veterans, active-duty military, law enforcement, first responders, victims of family and domestic violence, victims of sexual assault and human trafficking. Through therapy my clients transition from Victim to Survivor to Thriver / Warrior.

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